An Honest Clumsy Clown.
That’s the best description I’ve ever heard. It’s me.
I went a little too far yesterday. Said a little too much. Not enough to give me away, but enough that he should know. I could blame it on the pain killers, but the truth is, I’ve been wanting to put it out there for way too long.
So it’s out there…sorta. Enough that he could have picked up the ball. All I can picture is me being this pathetic being, wanting somone so much who so obviously wants nothing to do with me. But that’s always been the case. I’ve always had a crush on someone, or loved someone, who didn’t feel a thing for me. There’s really no other word to describe me other than pathetic.
For over a year now, I have been desperatly hoping that he would realize his love for me and we would live happily ever after. I think he is a reason I’ve stayed in clarksville as long as I have. I’ve been holding out hope. But I need to be all in for God. So I’m praying He shows me where he wants me to go, cause I think I can finally let go of clarksville. As hard as it is to say, I think I can finally let go of my dream as wife and mother. Not without tears, but letting go is letting go, no matter how hard. The thought of never having a family of my own is pretty devastating, but my God is bigger than that. The cross is bigger than that.
So I’m ready to step out into a new day…the day God has planned.
