Cause I’m feeling like I’m there.
So I’ve come to a few decisions lately, which is a miracle to be sure. Nothing life altering, and sure as heck no decisions that seem to be showing me His plan.
But I’ve given up on the house idea. My credit stinks. Banks aren’t lending. And there is a serious lack of people my age around here that lead a similar lifestyle, so no roommate potentials. Okay, that’s the only decision I have for sure made. Even though it breaks my heart. Maybe one day my desire for a place of my own will be realized.
I am also throwing around the idea of quitting premier. I have a night job at an eye doctor’s, and I’m hoping like crazy I can survive on that salary, even though it’s part time. The reason for this is, I want to be able to take summer classes so I can get into the nursing program spring 2010 instead of fall 2010. However, I’m unsure if quitting premier is the right thing to do. Maybe I should just suck up another semester.
Part of me wants to just move home. Back to good ole Powder Springs. Live with my parents and go to school. But the other half of my loves clarksville so much. I love Mark and Rhonda. And of course I can’t stop hoping that Mikey will get the hint. I love my church. I love the youth group. I even love Young Life, with all of the mixed emotions I have about it. I love being close to Nashville, even though I don’t make it down there very often.
There is a huge part of me who wants to get my LPN ASAP and join the army and let them pay for my RN. I don’t know how to explain my desire to join the army. Sometimes something just feels like it is apart of you. I’m sure part of it is wrapped up in my life with Phil and what I wish it had been. But there’s a huge feeling of pride as well, I want to be independent and tough. On the flip side, I hate making decisions and the army would fix that for me as well.
So I don’t know. I do know that tomorrow I will get up, work a job from 8-5, then work another job from 5:30 to 9:30, and then I will come home, sleep and do the same thing the next day. And on saturday, I will get up even earlier, go to clinicals from 6:45 to 3, and then go to work. And the same on sunday. This isn’t any way to live. But how am I to live?
